A couple weeks ago, I got to interview DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good about their new relationship book, The Wait. My editor asked that I write a story about the arch of their relationship—being single, married, and eventual parents. And I did.
But today, I wanted to share parts of the interview I had to leave out.
Why I’m SO Excited
It’s not often we get to hear from a Hollywood couple on why they decided to honor God by saving sex for marriage. (To say that I am excited about their message is an understatement, y’all!)
But I also wanted to get another perspective from a Christian, black, man and get some clarity on points I didn’t quite understand in the book.
We talked about:
- Why singles should put themselves first
- Why we shouldn’t be treated like spouses until we’re married
- Why Meagan didn’t ask DeVon out
- And whether or not women should make the first move
Why You Should Put Yourself First in a Dating Relationship
In The Wait, DeVon and Meagan say singles should put themselves first.
I have to say, I was a little taken aback by this advice. I mean, when we are dating and getting to know someone shouldn’t we be catering to their needs? It feels like the Christian thing to do.
DeVon says no. Because when we’re in the initial stages of dating, we don’t know whether or not the person is trustworthy.
He said “If singles don’t put their own needs first, who will? We often go into relationships and assume that the other person will put your needs first, but many times that is not the case. So you have to put your own health and well-being as your number one priority, until you know that the person you are dating is someone that you can trust.”
You Shouldn’t Be Treated Like a Spouse Until You Are One
This was another hard word. Because if we are working toward marriage—shouldn’t we be treated as such? I mean how else how do we test the waters?
DeVon says that it is really important to preserve the roles and stages of relationships.
“Sometimes in our haste, we blur the lines and progress faster than the stage that we’re at. In the times where I blurred the line, the relationship didn’t work out. So I advise women (and brothers can get made at me or whatever!) to get the situation clear. Many times for men, if you are cool with it [cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping] then I’m cool with it. Don’t behave differently than the stage that you are at, because when we try to fast forward the relationship…usually it leads to false assumptions and expectations. ”
He added “Don’t assume you are on the same page if you haven’t defined where you are, because that can lead to hurt.”
Meagan’s Cautionary Tale
Meagan shared that she made that very mistake with one of her past relationships.
“I was in a [long-distance] relationship. And I was basically living out of state and traveling back and forth for auditions, I was cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping and doing things that wives may do. I was making him the priority, versus the things I needed to be doing in my career. I found myself acting like a wife without being one, but when situations when come up and I expected to be treated a certain way…I didn’t get that consideration in return.
Reality set in that sometimes, we go into relationships and act out what we want. But we haven’t assessed the situation, and we don’t have the clarity about who the person really is because we are physically involved. But we need to take time and ask: am I making excuses for that person? are we compatible? That clarity comes with The Wait.”
She explained that there are some characteristics and ways that you can grow together while dating, but it’s really important to not act like a spouse until you are one.
Why Didn’t You Ask Devon Out After God Told You He was ‘The One’?
There was nine looooong months between the time that God told Meagan that DeVon was her husband and the time that he asked her out. And I wanted to know why she waited.
She said in one word: obedience.
“Because my first question was ‘Lord, what’s my next move?’ And He said,’ Nothing. I just need you to work on yourself.’ I realized then. There was something I was supposed to be doing in the meantime—cleaning house and getting as ready as I could on my own. Looking back, I realized that if I had approached DeVon prematurely—I would have ruined it. And any false move would have damaged our relationship.”
What’s Your Advice to a Woman Interested in a Man?
DeVon spoke to that.
He said “Don’t be afraid to let your interest be known and give hints. Because you can still preserve the idea of letting a man ask you out. But let him know, if he were to ask…that he wouldn’t be rejected. Give him a clue. Guys can be dense.”
One More Thing…
DeVon added that one of the most attractive things a woman can do is make a man feel protected in his career. He explained that sometimes he would date women, and it felt like they were in competition with his job.
He explained that he was sometimes in situations were women were more interested in the relationship, than him being a success. But the right woman will help a man in his career also. Attraction is not all about sex. Because a woman that believes in her man and supports him, he’ll do almost anything to make sure she is happy.
I’m really grateful that Devon and Meagan are using their voices and platforms and sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly about relationships and the power that comes from honoring God. For more tips and tales from their journey to love, buy The Wait.
Question: What do you think of DeVon and Meagan’s story?
First off, congrats on your interview, Simone! I clicked over to it and it’s awesome.
Secondly, I think DeVon and Meaghan are a cute couple who are sharing their message of celibacy unashamedly. That’s hard to do in a sex crazed society, especially with so many people that want to judge them for their past. The message that it’s never too late to change your mind and commit to a new lifestyle needs to be taught. So many times people feel like their past defines them, and they can’t move forward. Messages like the one this couple share can give people hope that it’s not too late to make a change. I love that!
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Hey Faith! Thanks for reading! All I can say is praise the Lord.
I SO agree…they are using their platform in an awesome way. And I’ve been praying for them that very same reason…because I just knew the voice of the oppressor would try to bring up the past. It REALLY angers me, because I struggle with that too. But they’ve handled it with grace and confidence…all while keeping it 100. There was some nonsense on a blog last week that was being discussed on a radio program and DeVon was quick to get them together while still being respectful and protecting his wife. I couldn’t help, but think go ‘head on y’all.
Two snaps to everything you said! “Their message gives people hope that it’s not too late to make a change.” We know that from the Word of God…but it’s so good to hear it from a couple walking it out.
I think I saw that video. A lady was trying to say something about the way Megan dressed on a cover of a magazine or some such foolishness, and you could tell the comment really hurt her feelings. DeVon clapped back real quick, tho! He politely told her to have a seat, without actually saying it, lol.
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Yaaaasss! It was like he was saying to millions of women: yes, a good man will fight for you. A good man will protect you. I hate Megan had to go through that…but his response just spoke volumes.
Simone, great interview! I’ve been seeing this book around and it looks like a truly interesting read. They both have some great perspectives on relationships and honestly just look like a normal, happy couple. I’m glad you got the chance to interview them and happy for them and their relationship.
Thanks, Quanie! I feel really grateful I had the chance to chat with them. And I agree with you–>> they do have some grrrrreat perspectives. Isn’t it nice that we get to hear from a normal COUPLE too?! There is so much crazieness circulating, and I feel like they just want to shine a light on what God is doing in their lives. Btw, I went to hear Al Roker and his wife, Deborah, a few weeks ago and they are super down to earth and happy too.
The genuine love being showcased…just makes my heart happy.
Congratulations on what sounds like an awesome interview!
There are so many things about their story I love. It’s so uncommon to hear of or see anyone (especially celebrities) respectively choosing to abstain from sex until marriage. I mindlessly allowed the television to be on when a popular talk show came on one day, and the host was promoting the concept of being sexually “free” as the only way to really live during your twenties. She sold it in such a way that if you chose to be abstinent or exclusive to one partner during those years, you were cheating yourself out of the joys a fully lived life. Of course, the audience agreed with applause, and I remember thinking how extremely backwards our society has become. All that is right, healthy, and best for us has been made to be socially unacceptable and just plain old strange. The result is often that people are shamed into doing wrong or what’s not in their best interest.
I appreciate their story, because it highlights the benefits of doing things in the proper order and provides young people with mass of what that looks like and how far better it is than the commonly practiced personal neglect and abuse and social irresponsibility that is known as promiscuity.
As a two-time wife who got it right the second time by following the proper way and walking into the most perfect love, I appreciate your coverage of DeVon and Meagan’s story. Again, I thank you.
Hi Thiah!!! Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us. I SO agree with you. In an age, where utter chaos is deemed acceptable for families and marriages…I am so grateful to them for taking this stand. Your quote right here–>> All that is right, healthy, and best for us has been made to be socially unacceptable and just plain old strange. Yes. On so many levels, Thiah. On so many levels.
It saddens me to hear, read, and see exactly what you are describing on that talk show…play out in real life too. This is random side note, but one of the reasons I like shopping at Trader Joe’s is that I don’t have to read the news stand smut in the grocery store.
I think what you said about highlighting the benefits of doing something in the proper order is key. One of the things I appreciate about this couple is that they are so transparent like, ‘hey, we tried it the wrong way…this is what happened. We tried it the right, and things are awesome.’ In a world, were ‘do whatever feels good’ is the mantra of the majority of society. It’s a gift to hear a couple say, no there are real consequences.
Thank you for sharing about your marriage! It makes my heart happy to hear how you were met with a perfect love. Peace and Blessings…Simone
Yes, Ma’am! It’s truly a beautiful share (their story and your article). I look forward to sharing them both! I appreciate you.
Peace and Blessings