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That’s what a woman said to me when talking about her desire to me in a relationship. She said, “I don’t need a man, I just want one for companionship.”
It took me a while to process what she said. And, I don’t remember my response. But, I remember thinking “that makes no sense. And, I’m sure a man would never want to be around you…given your sour attitude.”
But, in reality, her sentiment is echoed by many women. Remember, the scene from the movie, Best Man: Holiday, where Jordan tells her new boo she doesn’t need him?
It is painful to watch.
A word from men on this subject.
earlier this year came back to me. He said that “often times women convince themselves that they don’t need a man, and it affects how they treat them.”Now, that statement makes perfect sense!When we don’t need something, we treat it accordingly.Think about all the things that you don’t need i.e. the extra pair of jeans that we no longer fit/need that we keep around for posterity. We just throw them in the closet any old where. But, that new dress that makes you feel like a million bucks…that dress gets prime closet real estate.
It is a fact of a life, we treat things that we value with care. And, if we don’t value being in a relationship with men. It will affect how we treat them.
A word from an expert on this subject.
Laura Doyle discusses this in her book , The Surrendered Single. She says that saying we don’t need a man is ultimately about control. She says that denying what we want is a way of controlling our desires so that you can ward off the fear, disappointment,and humiliation.
Needing a man does not equate to being desperate.
She says “being loved by a man is our birthright as a woman. Mating is one of the oldest, ingrained human instincts. While self-sufficiency is admirable, it doesn’t fulfill our needs to be intimate with a man.”Laura explains that surrendering to the desire to be married changes our countenance and body language. “Instead of wearing I-don’t-need-a-man body armor, you’ll signal “I’m available to the right guy.”
The Good News
The good news is that men need us. God said so in Genesis 2:18. “The Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper* suitable for him.” So, if men need us. Surely, we can’t be too proud to admit that we need men too.
*I know that word “helper” is a touchy subject. I’ve been researching it and we’ll be discussing it soon.
Question: Do you know anyone that wears I-don’t-need-man body armor”? If so, how does it affect their relationships?
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PS: In July, I’ll be hosting my first live event in Washington, D.C! Stay tuned. I’ll be sharing details next week.
Simone, this was great! I love the concept of being the helper and am looking forward to that in marriage…maybe because I know what its like to have the responsibility to lead. Looking forward to how you break that down. In the meantime, I loved this article and will be keeping your points in mind.
Hey, Afi! Thank you for commenting and the support. I've never thought about being a helper as relief from the responsibility of leading. That is a great perspective! Yes, I've been researching the original Hebrew term for helper. So, we'll see what the research says.
I'm so glad this post was helpful, Afi!