M Simone Boyd
Picture your heart as a whole apple pie. For every emotional entanglement (real or perceived), you are giving away a slice of that pie. If you do that consistently, what will be left for your dream man?
Proverbs says: Guard your heart with all diligence, because out of it flow the issues of life. …
Earlier this I read, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen R. Covey. And, several times while reading I found myself thinking “the world would be a better place if all families aspired toward this.”
One principle, Dr. Covey explains is the Circle of Influence and the Circle of Concern.
The Circle of Concern is a large circle that embraces everything in your life that you may be concerned about. The Circle of Influence is a smaller circle within the Circle of Concern that embraces the things you can actually do something about. …
Me too.
A few months ago, Morris and I were waiting in line to buy movie tickets and there were 4 people ahead of us. Initially, this was not a problem. But, ten minutes later the line had not moved at all. It was a perfect storm: one cashier, a group of six, seeing several movies, and they had credit card trouble. So, I panicked and began giving the cashier dirty looks that screamed “Seriously?”
…
I opened the refrigerator door to discover that two bags of frozen vegetables had been removed from the freezer, opened, and placed in the refrigerator.
The bags of vegetables were identical.
Both bags were clearly labeled: KEEP FROZEN.
Yet, the vegetables had been left in the refrigerator.
This was a major problem. And, I was furious.
Only one other person lives in our 300 sq ft studio apartment. So, I knew immediately knew who to blame. …
And, waiting for Mr. Right to find you takes the patience of Job. You may wonder things like “God, are you really working on this?” Or “Did you know that I am not getting in younger?”
At least, those are the questions I had.
…
Last week, my sister, Michaela, and I were driving to the store together, and there was a 15-minute period of dead silence that really bothered me.
Perhaps it shouldn’t have, but it did.
I mean, Michaela, is a junior in college and I thought she would want to tell me about all her boy problems, and professor problems, and life in general. But, she really didn’t tell me anything. And, no matter how many questions I asked…they were all met with one word answers. She wasn’t being mean. We just didn’t have anything to talk about. But, shouldn’t sisters always have something to talk about? …
The problem with falling in love, is that you can fall out of it.
But, true love is a decision to stay committed even when things get tough.
We’re talking about this topic today, because two of my friends recently stopped dating nice guys because there was no chemistry. And, it made me a little sad. Because, I don’t want my friends to miss out on true love because of a misconception.
Chemistry Ain’t All That
The misconception is that chemistry/falling in love is the end all be all. It is not. And, I think pop culture has warped our sense of what it takes to make a relationship work.
It also got me to thinking “Did me and Morris have chemistry when we first met?” He says we didn’t. I agree.
We didn’t have chemistry in the sense that our eyes locked, music started to play, and we began that slow walk toward each other across the room like you see in the movies.
Nope, the beginning of our relationship was a series of miscommunication, misread signals, and near misses. But, that’s a tale for another day.
Love is NOT….
Erich Fromm, a German psychologist, explains in his book The Art of Loving that love is an activity, not a passive effect. It is a “standing in” and not a “falling for.”
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the 5 Love Languages, explains that the feeling of “falling in love” has three problems:
1. Falling in love is not an act of will…it just happens to you.
2. Falling in love is effortless. We do outlandish things with no effort at all.
3. The “in love” experience does not encourage us to help the other person grow. We view them as perfect.
And, that just ain’t realistic. Because not a one of us is perfect. And it is generally when we realize “Hmmm, this person has some flaws.” That we start to fall out of love.
But, true love empowers us to love each other despite our imperfections.
Love IS….
The Bible explains that love is:
And, if we base our capacity to be in a loving relationship based on chemistry, we are doomed for failure. Just like the ups and downs of Love and Basketball.
So, do you agree or disagree? Is there a problem with falling in love?
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| Image | David Wygant |
I had a problem when I was single. I didn’t know how to talk to guys. I know what you are thinking. “Simone, you are the farthest thing from shy?! What was your problem?”When it came to guys that I thought I might like…I had a bad habit of ignoring them. I got all nervous, and couldn’t think straight, and couldn’t make coherent sentences.
In other words, I lost all sense of normalcy. So, I resorted to ignoring them in an effort to keep from saying something completely stupid.Here is a typical conversation that I might have had with a guy that I have no interest in what so ever.
Conversation A
Simone: Good Morning, Titus! How are you?
Guy A: Good, Simone, how are you?
Simone: Well, thank you. Did you have a good weekend?
Guy A: I did, but I didn’t do much watched the game, hung out with some friends, and went running. That’s about it.
Simone: Sounds like you had a good weekend! I went running too, but the heat made it pretty tough. I’m going to try and run earlier next weekend. Are you training for anything?
Guy A: Yes, the Marine Corp Marathon. I’ve run it a couple of years in a row.
Simone: Whoa! That’s awesome. I dream about doing a marathon one day, but I’m not there yet. Congratulations on setting that tremendous physical goal, Titus. It was good to talk to you. Have a good day!
Guy A: You too, Simone. See you later.
Now, for the conversation with the guy that I thought I might like…but I had no idea because I’ve never had a decent conversation with him.
Conversation B
Guy B: Hi Simone! How are you?
Simone: Well, thank you.
Guy B: Did you have a good weekend?
Simone: Yes, thank you.
Guy B: Oh, what did you do?
Simone: Nothing much, just hung around.
Guy B: Well, that sounds nice. Have a good day, Simone
Simone: Thanks.
Why on Earth did I do this?
Things worked out in the end, and I wound up with my dream man. But, it turns out I’m not the only one with this problem.
If you too get a case of the heebie jeebies when it comes to talking to guys… try these 3 tips:
I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic of being the right person, because often our main objective is focused on the finding Mr. Right. But, being the right person is the essence of what can make our relationships sink or swim. And, I want your relationships to swim. So, I’m sharing this video today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXJe7tsgZqM
“Success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the right person.” That’s what Leland Foster Wood said in his book,Growing Together in Family.
My friend, Katharine, sent me a talk given by Andy Stanley. He breaks down the right person myth in a funny way, and captures the essence of being the right person beautifully.
It’s 29-minutes. I know, what you are thinking: “Simone, I don’t have that kinda time! I. am. busy.” I get it. I get it, but this is sound advice and I think it is worth your time. Will you watch it? I promise you won’t be disappointed.
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| Isaac & Simone |
My brother, Isaac, is getting married in 28 days. I am more than excited for him. But, I am less than enthusiastic for myself. You see, Isaac is 25. I am 28. He is getting married before me, and that presents a conundrum. Why you say? Because, I will have to face all of our family, all of our friends, and all their questions.You know the questions I’m referring to. The one’s that come with raised eyebrows and feigned courtesy. You look great, Simone, how are you doing? Translation: You aren’t ugly, Simone, why aren’t you married? Ahhhh!
What’s a single girl to do? How do I explain that I am content? I LOVE my, family, job, apartment, friends, church, and all around life. How do I explain that when I wake up in the morning I thank God for another day that I get to live in this FANTASTIC city? Why does it have to boil down to this one future guy that I hope to meet in the near or distant future?
Yes. One day I do want to be married. Yes. I do want to have 4-6 kids. No. I am not delusional. I know that if I want to have that many kids I’ll have to start sooner rather than later. And No. I’m not one of those Sex in the City gals that thinks having a great career, wearing high heels to walk 20 blocks, and sleeping around is the life. I’m just not in a hurry. Can that be okay?