Countdown To My Brother's Wedding

I’m pretty shy. Wait, I know what you are thinking. “Simone, you are the farthest thing from shy.” But in actuality, I am shy…when it comes to guys that I think I might like. I have a bad habit of ignoring them. I get all nervous, and can’t think straight, and can’t make coherent sentences. In other words, I lose all sense of normalcy. So, I resort to ignoring them in an effort to keep from saying anything stupid.

There are three simple things that I look for in a guy. But, they sure are hard to come by!
1. Tall
2. Loves Jesus
3. Volunteers
Number 1 is somewhat negotiable, but 2 and 3 most certainly are not. Of course, he has to be honest, hard working, love his family, etc. etc. but those are all things that I expect.

Here is a typical conversation that I might have with a guy that I have no interest in what so ever.

Conversation A
Simone: Good Morning, Titus! How are you?
Guy A: Good, Simone, how are you?

Simone: Well, thank you. Did you have a good weekend?
Guy A: I did, buy I didn’t do much watched the game, hung out with some friends, and went running. That’s about it.

Simone: Sounds like you had a good weekend! I went running too, but the heat made it pretty tough. I’m going to try and run earlier next weekend. Are you training for anything?
Guy A: Yes, the Marine Corp Marathon. I’ve run it a couple of years in a row.

Simone: Whoa! That’s awesome. I dream about doing a marathon one day, but I’m not there yet. Congratulations on setting that tremendous physical goal, Titus. It was good to talk to you. Have a good day!
Guy A: You too, Simone. See you later.

Now, for the conversation with the guy that I think I might like…but I have no idea because I’ve never had a decent conversation with him.

Conversation B

Guy B: Hi Simone! How are you?
Simone: Well, thank you.

Guy B: Did you have a good weekend?
Simone: Yes, thank you

Guy B: Oh, what did you do?
Simone: Nothing much, just hung around

Guy B: Well, that sounds nice. Have a good day, Simone
Simone: Thanks.

Why on Earth do I do this? If I could only get myself to have Conversation A with Guy B.

Yehuda Fishkind, a Certified Financial Analyst, came to my job last year to conduct a Financial Planning Seminar for new hires. At the beginning of the seminar, he explained that he was Jewish and that he was here to talk to us about money…so we should listen up. No argument on my part. After several intense hours of pouring over different retirement plans we took a break for lunch.

So, I seized the opportunity to get some one-on-one coaching for my tax situation. You see, I’ve lived in both Tennessee and Texas where the folks down there have the good sense not to have a state income tax. And, I never realized before what a difference not having a state income tax can make to the take home pay. I explained all this to Yehuda.

Yehuda: Are you investing the maximum pre-tax amount in your 401K?
Simone: Yes

Yehuda: Are you taking the deductions for your student loan interest?
Simone: Yes

Yehuda: Do you contribute to the Health Savings Account?
Simone: Yep

Yehuda: Hmmmm, You should get married.

I can’t remember how I responded to that, but I do remember thinking “Seriously, is that the best advice you can give me?”

I have a pretty awesome life! I’m not bragging, but sometimes I just sit and think…could it really get any better? Let me tell you about the last 27 hours.

I had both a brilliant and productive day at work yesterday. We are working on this project that I am less than enthusiastic about, and I’ve had a bad attitude about it for several weeks. But, my attitude is looking up. A dear friend and colleague gave me a dose of reality that I needed and I am really trying to do my best without complaining. There are enough complainers in the world already. And I appreciate the courage it took for my colleague to speak up.

I went to lunch with 7 of my colleagues that I really like, and even though I was coordinating and it was a disorganized disaster, and the place we planned to go was too busy, and we went to another place, and we couldn’t sit together. They were cool! No one complained. And, I am SO grateful.

And then, I ordered pizza for my friends that were coming to hang out. The pizza guy beat me home…and he waited on me to get back even though I had already paid and tipped him online.

And then my friends came over and we just chatted and hung out. Then we went to the roof, and hung out with my neighbors, former neighbors, and prospective neighbors and that was fun too! I stayed up until 1:30 a.m. ,which is like a record for me (I typically go to bed between 8:30-9:30), and then I made the long commute home down the steps.

This morning my church did a food sharing program for people in the community. After that, I went running with my dear friend that I met in a Pilates class a couple of years ago. And, on the way in I saw another neighbor that gave me some tips on what to focus on while running. In a matter of 27 hours, I got to hang out with 25 people that I like. And, the weekend isn’t even half over!

You see, this is why I am content.

I do want to be a wife, one day. I do want to be a mother, one day. I do want to be a writer, one day. But I am REALLY enjoying today.

Allison, a dear friend, passed along these thoughts to me that she read in a column about embracing the waiting times. The column explained that these are the moments when we are waiting for our lives to align with our expectations. For example, waiting to be accepted into grad school, waiting for a better career, waiting for a spouse, waiting for a kid, etc. The waiting times are not so bad, because we can use our time to indulge in our interest and develop as a person.

So, I encourage you (not to get all preachy) embrace the waiting time!

PS: Forgive me for not posting yesterday (I’m trying to update Monday-Friday), but I was enjoying my waiting time:-)

Now, Issachar is the youngest and his life is a cake walk, in my opinion. I washed dishes at 7. He didn’t have to wash dishes until he was 10. And even now, he gets to use the dishwasher for FREE. I had to pay a dollar to use the dishwasher when I growing up. Crazy, right?!?! I know. (My dad made that rule up…more on him later). He still doesn’t have to wash his own clothes. To the best of my recollection, I began this chore at 10. And, he gets to watch TV during the week! Which is absurd, because I could only watch TV on the weekends.

It’s easy to see that Issachar lives like a king.

But I adore and love the little kid, and I try to make it home at least once every three months to hang out with him and my younger sisters. I haven’t lived in the state for almost five years now, and I don’t want to miss their growing up.

On one of my trips home Issachar told me that he wanted to talk. He put his hand on my shoulder and looked me straight in the eyes. “Simone,” he says “I am tired of being the youngest, and I am ready to be an uncle. When are you going to get engaged?”

Darn tootin’… even the baby boy is holding my feet to the fire!

Now, for the good stuff! Here are the things that we should do.

1. listen.
2. dress appropriately.
3. take compliments.
4. smile.
5. flirt.
6. MAKE SOME DECISIONS.
7. ask about his family.
8. ask if he has eaten lunch or dinner.
9. invite him somewhere he wants to be, like a basketball game.
10. tell him about a movie you would like to see and buy the tickets online before you get there.
11. look at his strengths and see if they could help with your weaknesses and vice versa.
12. make us feel important.
13. pay attention to details…the smallest thing sometimes can be the most important.
14. have a good connection with his mom…that goes very far…whenever she likes you it is a plus.
15. always be yourself.
16. be proactive in the relationship, but not forward, include him in activities with your friends.
17. offer advice on generic areas of his life where he could use help, but don’t be critical.
18. try to compromise.
19. be honest and humble (in the sense that you don’t know everything).
20. dress classy. you cannot have on a mini skirt and try to be a wife. i cannot take you anywhere and you can not meet my family.
21. be understanding when I don’t answer the phone. maybe i want to take a nap.
22. be cultured, know things.
23. be approachable (its hard for us to make a move). if you have a look on your face like “boy, get on somewhere.” it doesn’t help.
24. make us feel like we are undiscovered michael jordans’, when in reality we have no hand or foot coordination.
25. (in short ladies, we should build them up. not tear them down.)

Girls, the chaps chimed in to give us advice on things a girl should not say to a guy that she likes. Admittedly, I did not collect this advice in a scientific manner. I just sent out a mass text message. However, the advice is practical and they are the guys. So, I think it would be wise if we listened. Tomorrow, we get to hear the things that we should do!

1. compare him to your past relationship. ( 7 guys said this! )
2. take advice from single friends.
3. talk about his mother or say what she told him isn’t true.
4. harp too much on things you don’t like about yourself (or him).
5. assume that because he’s nice to you that he likes you (ouch!).
6. but on a facade, be yourself.
7. compare your mother’s cooking to his mother’s.
8. make fun of his dance moves or singing, that is a low blow to a guy and it takes courage for him to get out there.
9. say give me the remote when the ball game or Sports Center is on (but isn’t Sports Center always on?).
10. criticize/joke about your families until you’ve shared enough stories that it becomes “a thing” between you.
11. make fun of his shoes, car, or dog.
12. question his relationships with his friends or family until you are in a relationship.
13. overstate how interested you are in something to build relationship (i.e. I love that! I’m really interested in talking about that soon! That is so great! Thank you for doing that!). If you really like something, a little extra enthusiasm is nice. But pretending that you are interested in something that you are not is almost a form of leading someone on. Because if they care, they’ll change their behavior to adjust (well said).

My mother (a former Paris runway model) is amazing! She is happy and content to be a mother, wife, and non-profit administrator. We are pretty close too! We talk almost everyday. Whenever I go home for an extended period of time, my mother always finds time in her schedule to make my two favorite meals: spaghetti and fried fish.

She is also enthusiastic, kind, and generous. In fact, I can always tell when one of my siblings had a particularly challenging athletic event the evening before. Because she always sounds like an eighty-year old chain smoker when she looses her voice the day after.

I admire her a lot, and hope that I can be just as good a mother one day.

Sometimes, however, my mother’s enthusiasm can get the best of her. I often tell her haste makes waste. Cut once measure twice. But, I think at this point she is just used to having 9 people depend on her. So, whenever she can get ahead of the game she aims to do so.

One such opportunity reared its head at Thanksgiving a couple of years ago. Thanksgiving is HUGE in my house, and it is the holiday that everyone trys to make it home for. We had all gathered around the table and were preparing to say the blessing, when my mother announced that she had a gift for me. My little sister ran to get the gift bag and handed it to me with a beaming smile.

The lovely gift bag held a beautiful book that my mother purchased on sale…365 Days to the Perfect Wedding (or something of that nature). It was complete with budgets, bows, envelopes and everything one needs to plan the perfect wedding. One problem. I’m not even dating anyone…and haven’t for several years. My five brothers erupted in laughter. And I, I wanted to crawl under a rock.

Boy, did she get ahead of the game.