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M Simone Boyd

(Video) Are You Making This Relationship Mistake?

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Imagine you and your spouse are whisked away for an all-expense paid 3-day vacation at an exclusive resort. While hanging out on a crisp Saturday morning, your spouse turns to you and says “Look at that hummingbird, have you ever seen one like that before?” You nod (without looking up), say “uh huh” and return to sorting through your Facebook posts.

Your spouse mentioning that hummingbird is an example of an emotional bid for acceptance. An emotional bid is a request for attention, affection, or support and your response to that request generates a critical outcome. Here’s a quick video that explains “emotional bids” . …

How I Embarrased My Husband

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Have you ever been in a situation where the room goes silent, everything is in slow motion, and despite the fact that there are 30 to 40 people in the room you realize…you are the center of attention?

Perhaps that’s happened to all of us. We realize, we should know something that we just don’t know. …

Book Review: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families

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Earlier this I read,  The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen R. Covey.  And, several times while reading I found myself thinking “the world would be a better place if all families aspired toward this.”

One principle, Dr. Covey explains is the Circle of Influence and the Circle of Concern.

The Circle of Concern is a large circle that embraces everything in your life that you may be concerned about. The Circle of Influence is a smaller circle within the Circle of Concern that embraces the things you can actually do something about. …

Are You Tired of Waiting?

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 Me too.

A few months ago, Morris and I were waiting in line to buy movie tickets and there were 4 people ahead of us. Initially, this was not a problem. But, ten minutes later the line had not moved at all. It was a perfect storm: one cashier, a group of six, seeing several movies, and they had credit card trouble. So, I panicked and began giving the cashier dirty looks that screamed “Seriously?”

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Nagging Can Quickly Help You Dig Your Marital Grave (Update)

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NaggingI opened the refrigerator door to discover that two bags of frozen vegetables had been removed from the freezer, opened, and placed in the refrigerator.

The bags of vegetables were identical.

Both bags were clearly labeled: KEEP FROZEN.

Yet, the vegetables had been left in the refrigerator.

This was a major problem. And, I was furious.

Only one other person lives in our 300 sq ft studio apartment. So, I knew immediately knew who to blame. …

What a BMW Taught Me about Dating & Waiting (Update)

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One of the toughest things to do while you are single is to wait. Especially, if you are not dating.

And, waiting for Mr. Right to find you takes the patience of Job. You may wonder things like “God, are you really working on this?” Or “Did you know that I am not getting in younger?”

Image: E90post.com
Image: E90post.com

At least, those are the questions I had.

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5 Steps to Being A Better Sister

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Last week, my sister, Michaela, and I were driving to the store together, and there was a 15-minute period of  dead silence that really bothered me.

Perhaps it shouldn’t have, but it did.

Image | Cheezburger.com
Image | Cheezburger.com

I mean, Michaela, is a junior in college and I thought she would want to tell me about all her boy problems, and professor problems, and life in general. But, she really didn’t tell me anything. And, no matter how many questions I asked…they were all met with one word answers. She wasn’t being mean. We just didn’t have anything to talk about. But, shouldn’t sisters always have something to talk about?  …

The Problem with Falling in Love

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Falling In LoveThe problem with falling in love, is that you can fall out of it.

But, true love is a decision to stay committed even when things get tough.

We’re talking about this topic today, because two of my friends recently stopped dating nice guys because there was no chemistry. And, it made me a little sad. Because, I don’t want my friends to miss out on true love because of a misconception.

Chemistry Ain’t All That
The misconception is that chemistry/falling in love is the end all be all. It is not. And, I think pop culture has warped our sense of what it takes to make a relationship work.

It also got me to thinking “Did me and Morris have chemistry when we first met?” He says we didn’t. I agree.

We didn’t have chemistry in the sense that our eyes locked, music started to play, and we began that slow walk toward each other across the room like you see in the movies.

Nope, the beginning of our relationship was a series of miscommunication, misread signals, and near misses. But, that’s a tale for another day.

Love is NOT….
Erich Fromm, a German psychologist, explains in his book The Art of Loving that love is an activity, not a passive effect. It is a “standing in” and not a “falling for.”

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the 5 Love Languages, explains that the feeling of “falling in love” has three problems: 

1. Falling in love is not an act of will…it just happens to you.
2. Falling in love is effortless. We do outlandish things with no effort at all.
3. The “in love” experience does not encourage us to help the other person grow. We view them as perfect.

And, that just ain’t realistic. Because not a one of us is perfect. And it is generally when we realize “Hmmm, this person has some flaws.” That we start to fall out of love.

But, true love empowers us to love each other despite our imperfections.

Love IS….
The Bible explains that love is:

  • patient
  • kind
  • not easily angered
  • not selfish
  • not proud
  • keeps no record of wrongs
  • always protects
  • and always hopes

And, if we base our capacity to be in a loving relationship based on chemistry, we are doomed for failure. Just like the ups and downs of Love and Basketball.

So, do you agree or disagree? Is there a problem with falling in love?

Love, Simone
Image: Love & Basketball

Last Week We Moved to Nashville

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Last week Morris and I moved to Nashville, TN. Morris’ job relocated him to the Nashville office, and I got to come back to my hometown.

This was the smoothest move I’ve ever had. Because all of our worldly possessions were packed, labeled, loaded, driven to Nashville, and stored by a moving company. It was a weird, but beautiful thing to see all of our dishes, pictures, and valuables (read: one 20″ inch TV) wrapped lovingly in bubble paper while we sat on the couch and watched.

Cleaning Couture

We did have to clean up, though.

 

Leaving D.C. was Tough
It was tough to leave my friends and colleagues that I’ve grown to love over the past 6 1/2 years.  It was tough to leave our church family where Morris and I have grown in our marriage and faith. And, it was heartbreaking to leave all my friends.

I cried so much one day, I gave myself a headache. I think it was all the farewell parties, cards, well wishes, and (even) a poem.

Reality hit me: I won’t see these folks on a regular basis. And, I’m going to miss them.

The Good, The Scary, and an Identity Crisis

Me & My Nephew

The move is good, because we’re in the same city as my family, and we’re now driving distance from Morris’ family.

But the move is scary, because I left my respectable job as an energy analyst to be a writer.

You profession is indicative of your status in D.C. And, you can’t go anywhere without someone asking you (within 2 minutes of meeting you) “what do you do?”


Translation:  Are you important enough for me to bother with? 

I’ve almost bought into that mindset.

Morris and I are going to a BBQ this weekend, and I’m already rehearsing how to answer that question.

Am I having an identity crisis?

Maybe.

But, I think it’s a good thing.

Maybe I was too wrapped up in trying to impress people. Maybe this phase will lead to some much-needed self reflection. And, maybe this phase will lead to something awesome! Either way, I’m thrilled about the possibilities and the free time to focus on my dream.

Forgive me for Silence
As you might have noticed, I’ve been away from this blog for two months. Please forgive me. I thought that I could balance it all i.e. :

  • work full-time
  • write in the early mornings
  • participate in the Count Me In/Capital One Business Accelerator Program
  • launch a website
  • write an ebook
  • conduct relationship research
  • keep up with my goal-setting group
  • take a blogging class
  •  work out 3-4 times a week, cook dinner for my husband, travel, do informational interviews, be a career coach for college students, be active at church, spend time with friends and volunteer for the charities that I love.
  • AND move half-way across the country
But, it turns out. I could not.And, when I found out about our move…I decided that I just wanted to soak up every last moment with my friends.
Thank you for coming back and visiting this blog! And thank you to Allison and Jessica C. for checking back and noting my absence. That means the world to me, because I wasn’t quite sure if anyone cared:-). I promise to be more consistent!
Up Next Week
Next week, we’ll be discussing chemistry and the problem with falling in love. I’ve received a couple of questions about this. So, I want to talk about it with you and share my thoughts.Please stay tuned…better yet subscribe via email!

It’s good to be back. Love, Simone