Update on the blog, the pitch competition, and thank you to a whole bunch of awesome folks. Love, Simone
How to Recover from the Mr. Wrongs and Get Ready for Mr. Right
Spiritually speaking, my college years were dark. And, when I look back on those years I shudder. Because, I entangled myself in bad relationships and situations that could’ve ended in a number of dire situations.
Thankfully, the Lord used those years to teach me priceless lessons. And, God has used my story to free other women. Looking back, I can see that it was all about rebellion.
Mr. Wrongs
Rebellion from the lessons of faith I had been taught growing up. I thought I was running into freedom, but I was actually running into destruction. And, it took a long time to untangle my soul from the men I had attached myself to. My road to redemption started with me telling my dad that I didn’t want to live that kind of life anymore. But, it was still a long road from there.
The Switch
While living in El Paso, TX with my grandfather, I began dating my first Christian guy. I had it all planned out– we were going to get married. He went to church and loved Jesus. That was enough for me. Let’s seal the deal.
I didn’t know it at the time, but he had asked my dad if we could get married. And, we had only dated a few months. My dad’s response was “let’s see what happens.” Not, exactly a vote of confidence. There were a few red flags, but nothing I couldn’t “sort out” once we were hitched.The relationship seemed to be going well until September of 2007.
And, then the boot dropped. He gave me an ultimatum. Was I going to stay in El Paso after school or move away?
And, I…I didn’t have an answer. I wanted to be open to God’s will. I didn’t want to commit myself to El Paso! My life was just starting. And, I said just that.
And, he broke up with me.
I was crushed. I cried and listened to Jennifer Hudson’s “And, I’m telling you I’m Not Going” for about 3 weeks. And, I watched Mahogany with Dianna Ross for the first time.
The Good News
The good news is that I survived. And, God continues to use my sordid past and my terrible break up for His glory.
Romans 8:28 says that: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. God didn’t intend for me to experience those things. It was my disobedience that led me down that path. But, He can use it all the same.
My Dating Hiatus
I swore off men for three years after my break-up. And, the next man that I dated was Morris, my awesome husband.
During that dating hiatus my relationship with the Lord grew strong. I prayed more. I studied the Bible more, and I began paying off debt and running half marathons. God used my dating hiatus to strengthen me personally. And, heal my heart from relationship wounds.
I read a book this month entitled, The Waiting Room by T.C. Spellen. It is a 31-Day Devotional for single women waiting for the right husband. I loved this book, because it is a spiritual roadmap to preparing for marriage. T.C. includes discussions on:
- Taming the Tongue
- Creating Boundaries
- Praying
These are things that I learned during my dating hiatus. But, I think T.C.’s book could’ve helped me recover from the Mr. Wrongs and prepare for Mr. Right a lot faster.Question: How have you recovered from the Mr. Wrongs? And, what’s your strategy to prepare for Mr. Right?
PS: I’m hosting my first relationship workshop next month. I’d love for you to come. You can buy a ticket here.
What a Father Looks Like
My brother, Israel Kirk, made this Father’s Day video for me, and I wanted to share it.
Celebrate your father or a good father that you know today. John Eldredge in his book, Wild at Heart, says that the question that haunts every man is “Am I Enough?”
So, encourage and appreciate your father, the fathers you know, and future fathers today. Let them know that they are more than enough and just what they mean to you.
Happy Father’s Day! Love, Simone
“I Don’t Need a Man”
 |
That’s what a woman said to me when talking about her desire to me in a relationship. She said, “I don’t need a man, I just want one for companionship.”
It took me a while to process what she said. And, I don’t remember my response. But, I remember thinking “that makes no sense. And, I’m sure a man would never want to be around you…given your sour attitude.”
But, in reality, her sentiment is echoed by many women. Remember, the scene from the movie, Best Man: Holiday, where Jordan tells her new boo she doesn’t need him?
It is painful to watch.
A word from men on this subject.
Later on, the words of one of the christian black men that I interviewed
earlier this year came back to me. He said that “often times women convince themselves that they don’t need a man, and it affects how they treat them.”Now, that statement makes perfect sense!When we don’t need something, we treat it accordingly.Think about all the things that you don’t need i.e. the extra pair of jeans that we no longer fit/need that we keep around for posterity. We just throw them in the closet any old where. But, that new dress that makes you feel like a million bucks…that dress gets prime closet real estate.
earlier this year came back to me. He said that “often times women convince themselves that they don’t need a man, and it affects how they treat them.”Now, that statement makes perfect sense!When we don’t need something, we treat it accordingly.Think about all the things that you don’t need i.e. the extra pair of jeans that we no longer fit/need that we keep around for posterity. We just throw them in the closet any old where. But, that new dress that makes you feel like a million bucks…that dress gets prime closet real estate.
It is a fact of a life, we treat things that we value with care. And, if we don’t value being in a relationship with men. It will affect how we treat them.
A word from an expert on this subject.
Laura Doyle discusses this in her book , The Surrendered Single. She says that saying we don’t need a man is ultimately about control. She says that denying what we want is a way of controlling our desires so that you can ward off the fear, disappointment,and humiliation.
Needing a man does not equate to being desperate.
She says “being loved by a man is our birthright as a woman. Mating is one of the oldest, ingrained human instincts. While self-sufficiency is admirable, it doesn’t fulfill our needs to be intimate with a man.”Laura explains that surrendering to the desire to be married changes our countenance and body language. “Instead of wearing I-don’t-need-a-man body armor, you’ll signal “I’m available to the right guy.”
The Good News
The good news is that men need us. God said so in Genesis 2:18. “The Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper* suitable for him.” So, if men need us. Surely, we can’t be too proud to admit that we need men too.
*I know that word “helper” is a touchy subject. I’ve been researching it and we’ll be discussing it soon.
Question: Do you know anyone that wears I-don’t-need-man body armor”? If so, how does it affect their relationships?
*******
PS: In July, I’ll be hosting my first live event in Washington, D.C! Stay tuned. I’ll be sharing details next week.
Awesome Black Dads
In celebration of Father’s Day, I am showcasing awesome black dads for the month of June. There are a lot of them out there, but for some reason the spotlight doesn’t shine on them often.
Here’s a picture of me and my dad…a looong time ago. If you have an awesome black dad or know an awesome black dad would you send me a picture and a bit about him?
I’d love to showcase him here. Love, Simone