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M Simone Boyd

The RIGHT Person Myth

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“Success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the right person.” That’s what Leland Foster Wood said in his book, Growing Together in Family. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic of being the right person, because often our main objective is focused on the finding. But, being the right person is the essence of what can make our relationships sink or swim. And, I want your relationships to swim. So, I’m sharing this video today.

My friend, Katharine, sent me a talk given by Andy Stanley. He breaks down the right person myth in a funny way, and captures the essence of being the right person beautifully.

It’s 29-minutes. I know, what you are thinking: “Simone, I don’t have that kinda time! I. am. busy.” I get it. I get it, but this is sound advice and I think it is worth your time. Will you watch it? I promise you won’t be disappointed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXJe7tsgZqM

So, what did you think? 

The POWER of First Impressions

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Image | www.adriansnood.com
First impressions are powerful and key to building professional relationships. Because people make decisions based on them. For example:
  • Are you trustworthy?
  • Are you friend or foe?
  • Do they like you?
  • Should they hire you?

Do you know that we only have 7 seconds to make a first impression?

It’s true, according to Forbes.

Part of making a good first impression is believing in yourself, the person you are, and your potential. Perhaps it sounds silly, but each of us has God-given gifts and talents the world needs. And, not making a good first impression could be a barrier to us sharing our gifts with the world.

Let’s look at five easy ways to make a good impression.
 
SMILE
Employers, generally, want to hire friendly people. Smiling is the quickest way to demonstrate that you are friendly and approachable.
 
MAKE EYE CONTACT
Making eye contact shows interest and demonstrates that we have nothing to hide. Now, I’m not saying STARE. Because that’s just weird. But, the majority of the time we should be giving the speaker our full attention.
 
FIRM HANDSHAKE
Giving a firm handshake demonstrates that we are confident and helps build rapport. According to Forbes, a firm handshake can establishjust as much rapport as 3 hours of interaction.
 
FOCUS ON THEM
Pay attention to the speaker and what they are saying. Don’t focus on how you will respond. Doing this frees you to live in the moment and be authentic.
One of my clients is an actor, and we talked about this a few weeks ago. He explained that focusing on the other person (or the given objective in actor speak) frees you to be more responsive.
 
POWER POSE (before hand)
Before going into a stressful situation like a first date, performance, or job interview. I recommend power posing. I learned about this idea from a TED Talk by Amy Cuddy.
 
The idea is that our posture can determine our outcome because we feel better about ourselves. She recommends holding postures of power for 2 minutes for an instant confidence booster.
 
I know you may be skeptical. Morris was too. But, guess what?
 
Just before he did our taxes last month…I caught him power posing.
 
So, give it a shot! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Check out Amy’s 6-minute concept here:  If you found this post helpful, leave a comment below or share it! It makes me feel better to know that I’m not writing long letters to myself:-).
 
Love, Simone
 
Question: What other tactics can we use to make a good first impression?

 

How I Punched Fear In the Face

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A few weeks ago, I did something super scary. I told a room of 50 strangers about my dream of starting a business. Up until this moment, the dream had been somewhat of a secret. I had a business plan, I pitched the idea to my husband, and I told a few close friends. But, the thought of telling strangers was terrifying.

What if they didn’t like my business idea? What if they laughed? What if they didn’t share my opinion or views? Aghhhh! There were just so many things that could wrong.

And, guess what? I pitched my idea at a business pitch competition AND everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

  • I fumbled.
  • My message was unclear.
  • I made dumb faces.
  • I forgot what I wanted to say.
  • And, I even cried.

It was a horrible experience. I cried whenever a nice person tried to tell me that “you did okay.” I cried when anyone tried to console me. I cried on the Metro ride home, and I cried when I told Morris about the whole debacle that night.

And, then I went to bed. But, I didn’t sleep. Because, I kept replaying the day’s events in my head.

Fear Holds Us Back 
Fear holds us back from soooo many things: mending relationships, taking new jobs, moving, etc. Fear is powerful, because we focus on everything that could go wrong. We tend to forget about the things that could go right.

The good news is that: even when everything does go wrong…we survive.

The Good News
I think that’s why the Bible talks about fear so much, because the Lord understands that it only holds us back. And, even if bad things happen we survive. He’ll be with us.

Joshua 9:1 says: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Isaiah 41:10 says: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I Bounced Back 
The crazy thing about the pitch competition is that the first time was only practice. So, I had to go back the next day and do the pitch again in front of twice as many people.

But, the Lord’s mercies are new every morning. So, I got up super early and began practicing with my webcam. It went well that time, and…I was selected as a finalist!

I’ll know in June whether or not I’m selected to enter the Count Me In/Capitol One Business Accelerator program. But, even if I’m not selected I feel like I’ve already won…because I punched my fears and I survived. By the way, check out my Hire Me! Page…it’s another step in me fighting fear.

Tell me how is fear holding you back? And, what could you do to punch it?

I look forward to hearing from you. Love, Simone

*Image| Piranhagear.com

What Do You Deserve?

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So many people feel like they deserve so much:

  • I deserve this promotion, because I’ve worked here for 30 years.
  • I deserve this house and car, because I work 40 hours a week.
  • I deserve this man, because I’m educated and have a decent job.

Entitlement is a disease. It affects the way we behave and treat people. Because you cannot be grateful for something that you feel entitled to. Pete Wilson talks about this in a great blog post entitled, The Death of Gratitude 

Entitlement will kill any relationship
When you have the mindset that you deserve something, you won’t appreciate it. For example, I could not appreciate it when my husband takes out the trash…if I feel like that’s his job.

 

Comparison Society
I was talking to my wise friend, Byron, about this topic. We agree that the rise of social media is a contributing factor.Because it allows us to constantly compare ourselves to others.  We see an image of someone’s new car or new house and say to ourselves “Hey, I’m waaay better than them. So, I should have something better.

 

I Struggle Too
I’ve been blogging for 4 years, and I feel like I deserve to be a lot farther along. The problem is that I compare myself to the results of others. I see people on Shark Tank and think “ I could do that.” Or I read a post and think? Why does this person have more followers than me? I’m a way better writer. But, I’m comparing myself to their results…not their journey to their results.

 

Relationships
The same is true for relationships. You may think you deserve this person or that. But, if you are comparing yourself to people that seemingly have it all together …be careful. You don’t know what they’ve been through.

 

What Do We Deserve? 
Absolutely nothing. And in the end, simply waking up in the morning is a bonus.

 

A Word from Dave Ramsey
When someone asks Dave Ramsey “how are you?” He says “Better than I deserve.”Now, this is a man that has been featured on Oprah, has at least 3 New York Times Bestsellers, is an award-winning radio host, and has helped millions of people attain financial freedom. Yet, he doesn’t feel entitled to anything. The world would be a better place if more of us held this attitude and lacked a sense of entitlement.

 

Question: What strategies can you and I use to fight the entitlement mindset? 


*Image|umbc.edu