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M Simone Boyd

My Parents Don’t Agree with New Jersey

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Last week, same-sex marriage became legal in New Jersey. I haven’t discussed this topic with my parents, but I know they don’t agree with New Jersey.

You see, I learned my parents beliefs by what they did. They took me and my siblings to church. They told us they were praying for our respective spouses, and taught us to be loving toward others. They always taught me to show kindness. And, to never be afraid to share my beliefs.

Me with my Kindergarten Class

In kindergarten, I was afraid to pray at lunch time and give thanks to God for my meals. The kids at school made fun of me. So, I stopped praying, because I was embarrassed. For some reason, my Dad asked me about saying my prayers at dinner one day. And, I started to cry.

I knew my dad would be disappointed in me.

My Dad told me that I should continue praying for my lunch at school and that I should never be afraid of what other people think. He told me that I have to be brave and strong. My dad was always teaching me to be brave and strong.

Dad and Me

At five, he left me at Pizza Hut to order pizza and eat lunch while he went across the street to buy paint.

At six, he sent me into the Sheraton Hotel to retrieve a visitor that was joining my family for dinner. I walked into the hotel lobby, went to the front desk, and asked the concierge for Ms. Rutherford.  My dad waited at the curb in the “no parking” area in front of a hotel.

He was always pushing me beyond what I thought I could achieve. That’s what a good father does…he provides security and a safe place for you to fall and stumble and to grow. A good father teaches you to be brave, and helps you to push your own limits.

But, it was my mother that actually went to school and prayed with me at lunch time. That’s what a good mother does…she teaches you, shows you the way, and she is there to comfort you.

Me as an infant with my mother

And, for some odd reason when my mother joined me for lunch…all the kids joined in and wanted to pray too. I think it is because my mother is tall and glamorous and people love being around her. She prayed with me and all the kids wanted to join in.

That’s why I needed both parents. My dad helped me be brave and strong. And, my mother held my hand and went with me during the tough times.

My parents don’t agree with New Jersey, and neither do I. Families need both parents, a mother and a father.

Seeking Approval

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My brother told me that my last post amounted to a tweet, and that I need to work on expanding my idea. That’s one of the reasons my family is fantastic…we keeps it real. So, here goes…

I guess what I was trying to say in my last post is this: Christians are sometimes portrayed as happy go-lucky people that are immune to the struggles of life. But, that is a false notion.

We have trouble, we have enemies, and we have every-day struggles. And, each time I face some trouble, an enemy, or a struggle I try to ask myself “What is God trying to teach me?” But, it often takes me a while to complete the journey from initial reaction to self-reflection.

Today, I learned that I
really
really 
really want people to like me.

Two weeks ago, I applied to the Leadership Development Program at my job. The Program is a training series for high potential employees that have the potential to lead. And, I really wanted to get in. But, I didn’t tell anyone that I was applying, because I am super competitive.

And, I didn’t want people to ask me whether or not I was accepted.

And, I wanted to make it seem like applying was effortless. ( You know, the way someone compliments you on your hair, or new shoes, or whatever and you want to make it seem effortless so you say “Oh, this old thing. I’ve had this fooooorever).

And, I really wanted that validation that said: “Yes, S.B., you belong here. And, we acknowledge you are an excellent employee, an asset to the organization, and a nice person. We wish all employees were like you. And, we want you to be a future leader.”

But, I was rejected

And, I was crushed.

I spent the afternoon crying in my office, and dreaming of revenge. I know! I would apply for a job at Google. Get hired. And, tender my resignation with pomp and circumstance and let those jokers know that I am going to greener pastures and that I had a new AWESOME job.

But, that didn’t happen.

So, after a two-week road trip to self-reflection I’ve come to the conclusion that what I really wanted was approval from my job. Despite having the approval of my God, my husband, and my family…I still wanted outside validation. And, that is a dangerous place to be.

The approval and unconditional love of my top three (God, husband, and family) should be enough. And, it is. I just have to remind myself of that often.

In response to my most recent learning adventure, I’ve decided to further develop relationships with my husband and family that create an environment of approval and validation. I never want them to feel like they are without love or approval. So, I did some research on the topic. Would you like to know what I learned and give it a shot? Okay, let’s try these 3 tips…..

3 Tips for Demonstrating Approval 


TAKE INTEREST IN THEIR INTEREST.
If your sister is interested in fashion, ask for her opinion on the latest trends. Doing so demonstrates that her opinion is valuable and that you are listening.

HONOR THEM.
If your mother picked up your kids from school, honor her by explaining specifically what the help meant to you  specifically, buy her a nice perfume, OR write a nice thank you letter and mail it.

DROP THE CRITICISM.
Resist the temptation to correct your loved ones at every turn. You have made mistakes, and they will too! Unless it is detrimental to their health and well-being be supportive and only offer advice when asked.

What need for approval have you overcome today?